This blog post has nothing to do with maps but a more serious topic of mental health in our country.
So I have two step sons, one is 16 and the other is 14. Since my 16 year old was in 8th grade he has had a dark cloud over his head but his father was in denial and wouldn't admit there was an issue. As he has gotten older his depression has worsened. We got him into counseling, but that didn't seem to change much. He got put on medication, still the dark cloud, maybe even darker. His friend group started dropping, I don't know if it had to do with his outlook or the fact that his friends had different interests, such as sports, but as of last year he was down to one friend. This friend was not a good influence on him and his little brother ratted him out for sneaking out and smoking pot. So as parents do, we stopped letting him spend time with this kid. He was also developing some extremely negative and hateful views that were coming from this kid.
His depression worsened. He started his junior year and was not happy with his classes even though the year before he was so excited he could take 3 art classes. He was in Algebra 2 and failing every assignment. He did start talking about a friend. Now here is a problem, I work in his school, and I can find out about just about anyone in 5 minutes, and this kid is bad news bears. So another "friend" we wouldn't allow him to spend time with. He was saying things like we are both losers so we have things in common and we would encourage him that he was not a loser at all, he was just struggling.
Fast forward to two weeks ago, 16 (that's what we will call him), got home from school and no one was home. He called Bad News Bears and took his bike out in the pouring rain to get some drugs from him. He was leaving as I was getting home and said he was going to take some extra credit pictures for his photography class. He even took some pictures as an alibi.
That night he went to his mom's, I don't know if he look the drugs or not (which apparently was acid), but his mom was trying to help him with his work, he was zoning out, not paying attention, and not trying and it turned into a blow out. The next morning he had a meeting at school to get his 504 plan reinstated and he told them he wanted to live with his dad and I full time. He was mad at his mom about the night before so he was told no and that he needed to got to his mom's that night as planned.
His mom was picking him up from school that day and he never showed. We though well maybe he took the bus... nope. His phone was shut off so we couldn't track it. And we started to panic. We searched along the river , where he liked to walk and bike, we searched at all the locations we knew he went to. We couldn't find him anywhere. I called the police and while filing a report he turned his phone on. He was found in a local coffee shop, with some other kids. So what do we do???... the kid has no friends and he's in there socializing which is a good thing, but he had disappeared and worried us. Do we send the officer in there or do we wait it out so he's not embarrassed? The consensus was to wait it out. When he came out that's where the stress of the next two weeks began. His mom and dad went after him to talk and he admitted he had planned to jump off the bridge into the stream and end his life that night. Crisis was called... he was taken to the ER, and admitted the next day to the local mental hospital. We did the right thing.... we got him help. He was where he couldn't hurt himself. Our story could have had a much darker ending but it didn't.
He wasn't really working with the counselors, he didn't want visitors, but from what I know about mental health it can take time. From some of the things he had said CPS came to check to make sure our home was safe and that his mother home was safe. Not a fun thing to go through but I understand that they are just making sure everything is okay. Then came yesterday. His mom and dad went to the hospital for their weekly meeting with the clinician and were told "insurance will not pay anymore and oh by the way they stopped paying 2 days ago and you owe us $20,000." WHAT!?!?! After a lot of back and forth with the insurance company and the hospital talking to them they agreed to pay up until yesterday, but not a day longer, so they discharged him.
No safety plan, no instructions, just okay go home now. So now I have a kid who at least two weeks ago was suicidal in my home. A kid who had brought drugs into my home, where I have a 4 year old. He will return to school tomorrow. He had admitted to selling his ADHD drugs at school and has said things like "I wouldn't care if everyone there was dead." School had been the trigger for his depression. If we were on Mainecare (the state provided low income insurance) he could have stayed indefinitely. Let me tell you this, I love my school and my co-workers and they are going to make his transition back in as smooth as possible, but that doesn't mean he won't be triggered again.
How can society not help a child in crisis. Instead of helping him he is thrown back into the lions den that brought this on to begin with. I want to help in any way I can. He has a loving family, but we are not mental health professionals and sometimes I don't know if what I do helps or hurts him.
Now before you start saying "she needs to parent better", or judge us for this, that is not the purpose of my story. This is to give a real life example of what is happening to some of our students. They need help and we aren't equipped to give it to them. They scream for help and the people who are equipped to help them won't if they can't pay. (It would have been $10,000 a day for him to stay). So when we judge students who are struggling and their families we don't know the entire story. and the struggle they are going through.
I'm going to be there for my step-son. I am going to support him and help him in anyway I can, I'm going to take precautions to keep him safe. But how many parents are dealing with this and don't have a background in education and child and adolescent development- I do and I don't feel equipped- what about them? It has made me think about my students. I am going to support my students who are in crisis and be a rock for them as I always have tried to be. Most parents and teachers are trying to do the best we can, but the supports for our kids are minimal. Our country should be ashamed. These years are critical for kids, and they can often define the course of their lives, but when in crisis the collective we says whatever let someone else deal with it, and then we wonder why we have a opioid epidemic, mass shootings, homelessness, and violent crimes. We need universal health care, we need to end the stigma around mental health, and we need educational funding to make sure students have access to the supports they need.
If you have stuck with me through this I appreciate it. It has been a rough few weeks, but we will get through it and we will get him through it, because of Love.
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